The Web Site the F.B.I., C.I.A., D.A.R., and the Memphis Chamber Of Commerce tried to shut down...
Lee Harvey Oswald was killed by Jack Ruby. Oswald was buried clutching his "Blue Hawaii" Elvis photo.
Richard Nixon wandered the halls of the White House talking to the portraits of past Presidents. He resigned in disgrace after the Watergate revelations. Oliver Stone, director of JFK, made a movie about Nixon's last days.
J. Edgar Hoover secretly married the Marilyn Monroe impersonator. It is rumored their union was the inspiration for the adaptation of the opera Madame Butterfly to the musical G-Man Butterfly.
Elvis Aaron Presley died of a heart attack at his home Graceland. It was ruled a death of natural causes, but we're not so sure.
It's time the government and Graceland come clean and reveal the truth. Spread the word. Copy one of our icons or banners and paste it on your home page with a link to this page. If you have more information and can be trusted, send us an email. Send it to email@example.com. Or call (212) 555-1467. On Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays ask for the Emperor. All other days ask for Winston Churchill. Plus, whatever you do, don't tell Dr. Morrison I'm on the computer in the day room again.
Our theories have been validated! Read the letters below.
Delivered-To: E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: 09/22/97 17:36:24
From: I could tell email@example.com,
but I'd have to kill you.@surecom.com
To: E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: Elvis/Kennedy Similarities
I've been digging around in the online references and have found some startling similarities between John Kennedy and Elvis Presley. Let me illuminate you...
John Fitzgerald Kennedy has three names.
Elvis Aron Presley also has three names.
Both names are, amazingly, comprised of consonants AND vowels.
Kennedy was born in 1917, and died in 1963.
Elvis was born in 1935, and died in 1977.
All 4 years have EXACTLY 4 digits.
Kennedy was 'The President'.
Elvis was 'The King'.
Kennedy commanded a PT-Boat in the Pacific for the Navy.
Elvis drove a truck in West Germany for the Army.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.
Lincoln was the name of the President during the Civil War.
During the Civil War, there was Colonels.
'The Colonel' was the nick-name of Elvis's manager, Tom Parker.
Kennedy married a woman named Jacqueline Bouvier.
She later remarried a Greek named Onassis, one of the richest men in the world.
Elvis married a woman named Priscilla Beaulieu.
Their daughter married a geek named Jackson, one of the richest uh... PERSONs in the world. Jackson was also Greek... at heart. (i.e.: he liked little boys)
Kennedy approved the 'Bay of Pigs' invasion.
Elvis regularly invaded Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Kennedy's face is stamped into the American Half-Dollar.
Elvis's face is tatooed on some white-trash woman's fat ass in Mississippi.
And the most startling coincidence of all...
Kennedy died in DALLAS.
Elvis died on the TOILET.
Yes, Yes, Mr. Satori we know you as a credible shadow-word intelligence operative. The only thing that disturbs me about your correspondence is the statement: "Let me illuminate you...". Is this some veiled reference to the "Illuminati"?? Are your theories real or just part of the satanic one-world plot for world domination put forth by the "Illuminati".
The "Illuminati" see a one-world government that forces people to eat whole wheat bread, not white, eat vanilla ice-cream, not tutti-frutti, and to decrease our caloric intake by forcing us to drink lite beer not our God given fully leaded regular beer. When was the last time you saw a U.S. Militia leader without a large beer belly? Lite beer is part of a conspiracy to eliminate our true leaders.
Yes, Mr. Satori your Elvis/JFK coincidences are compelling, but we must wonder what your motivation is, and where you allegiances lie.
Date: Mon, 07 Oct 1996 04:34:10 -0100
From: Base Commander
Subject: I Believe Elvis Shot J.F.K
At 08:56 PM 10/5/96 -0500, you wrote:
Thanks for the truth finally, but i must signoff and put on my aluminum foil cap to keep the alien beta-waves from causing further brain damage. (I must remove the cap to get strong reception on this channel - Ask"Dr. Science" he KNOWS!)
Yes, Yes, I agree! Aluminum foil is good although it may not be thick enough. I have a stainless steel salad bowl that I wear on my head whenever I am allowed outside. Plus, this is the best time of the year to wear salad bowls on your head. When people look at you funny, you just say "Trick or Treat."
Yes, Yes, beta-waves are dangerous, but I heard of a new one to be on the lookout for: "bitchin'-waves." I was at a Burger King in Malibu yesterday and there was a young man with scraggly long blonde hair and no shirt. He was telling his friend that "the waves were bitchin', man, just bitchin'." I cornered him when he went to get ketchup for his fries and tried to put my foil hamburger wrapper over his head. I kept yelling that it was for his own good, to protect him from the "bitchin' waves!"
Two very nice policemen gave me a ride back to the hospital. Although when we got there they took back the nice bracelets they had put on my wrists. We had yummy orange sherbert and Thorazine for our afternoon snack.
Thank you for your note. It is good to know that there are others like me who want to know the truth!
I, of course believe that Elvis was in Dallas on Nov. 22, 1963 and that he was involved in the murder of our president. I think that there are still conspirators alive and at large...the hobos from the trains...bear a striking resemblance to the Beach Boys, if you look close at the photos.
Ever spin one of their records on your tin-foil hat?
"And we'll have fun!, fun!, fun!, 'til I get a gapping head wound in the back of her T-bird today!!"
Is it me, or did anyone ever seen Jack Ruby and Danny DeVito in the same room?
...and what about scarecrow's brain?
Yes, Yes, and what about the long haired good looking Wilson brother, the drummer, who fell off his sailboat and drowned. Hmmm, is it somehow connected with Chappaquidik?? Read the letter below.
Date: Sat, 05 Oct 1996 20:56:56 -0500
From: Confidential Agent
Subject: I Believe Elvis Shot J.F.K
I also believe Ted Kennedy was not alone when he went off that bridge in Chappaquidik. He was driving Miss Daisy!
Yes, Yes, we have heard of this. We will investigate!
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