Reasons:

1. Agent Mulder and Scully's celebrity chat shut down by unexplainable forces from somewhere out there.

2. Disgruntled employee tired of AOL's practice of rounding back their paycheck to the nearest ten dollars.

3. Their new version 3.0 software code was written by the IBM Olympic software team.

4. Steve Case was reading his latest net-worth statement and began clapping. He forgot the AOL server was turned on and off by "The Clapper".

5. Bill Gates, in his usual "I don't get angry, I get even" way, decided it was time for "Justice Department Anti-Trust Investigation" payback.

6. Tribbles

7. Changing their name to AWOL.

8. "Blackout" actually part of the First Annual AOL-vs.-MSN Corporate Sabotage Extravaganza. MSN won.

9. AOL carrying "Campaign '96" updates. Temperature-sensitive components damaged by all that hot air.

Advantages:

1. No e-mail from people with moronic screen names like KewlDude45@aol.com

2. $$$$$$$ No idiot get-rich-quick spams to Usenet! $$$$$$

3. I won't be stood up this evening by yet another AOL date.

4. May force millions of people to actually talk to their families.

5. Will most certainly see a rise the number of newborns in 9 months.

OUTAGE DUE TO ERRANT SOFTWARE ON POWER COMPANY COMPUTER

PORTLAND, OREGON (INI) - A software disk that had not properly been erased is to blame for an outage that cut power to 4 million customers across the West, one of the most severe in U.S. history. Officials at Western System operations now say a "free" America Online disk that had been thought to been erased, and then was re-used, is to blame for the outage. Technicians had used the disk to run computers that control power grids for nine U.S. states.

The problem was first noticed Saturday at 2:00 PM (PST) when control room computers began sending an audio message stating "you've got new mail" and then shut down a power grid for two states. Computer operators began to re-start their system but before they could complete it an AOL 3.0 Web browser appeared on their screens and then shut down grids for the remaining states.

A power company spokesman said part of the blame for the outage should be shared by America Online. "They send you a disk almost every other day. They know people are going to re-use them." An AOL official denied reports that his company would give affected power company customers one free day of electricity plus ten hours of online access and an AOL "tote bag" as compensation for the outage.

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Updated Sun. March 10, 2002 "Osama bin Laden Urnial Mat"

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