ABC: Does it stand for "Annoying Broadcast Cheapskates"?

Back in June of 1997, with much publicity, Disney owned ABC Television  launched their big news site  It's run by another Disney division, Starwave. I visited their site at:

and was intrigued by a button labeled "click here to win a free hat". It's almost a Pavlovian response on the Web to click on anything labeled "free" so I found my hand involuntarily moving the mouse toward the button and clicking. It  took me to the page:

Which prompted me to write the following e-mail to the folks at

I began to take your survey this morning after being lured to click on a button titled "win a free hat". I stopped after I read that I could win  "One of Ten Hats". You have got to be kidding. You all launch a  multi-million dollar Web news effort and you are giving away a grand  total of TEN hats. Those TEN hats probably set you back a big twenty,  twenty-five dollars total! Is ABC/DISNEY/STARWAVE that strapped for  cash that you all have no money for a decent prize? Maybe it's this  Southern Baptist boycott of ABC that has you worried? I really don't  think you need to be concerned, it will all blow over.

I think you all have started a first class effort. But come on,  loosen up the old purse strings and put up a decent premium for  filling out that long form. If not you will end up with a lot of folks just heading over to

Steve Kremer


Almost instantaneously I got an e-mail back:

At 05:05 AM 6/24/97 -0700, you wrote:
>Tue, 24 Jun 1997 05:05:27
>Thanks for the frank advice. We're always doing our best to improve
ABC News.Com and we take all criticism seriously. If you can't listen
to your readers, who can you listen to?
>ABC News.Com
>A computer generated this response. But fear not--an actual person
did, in fact, read your mail.

I replied:

You say: "But fear not--an actual person did, in fact, read your mail." I sent this e-mail at 5:00AM in the morning. I received your response two minutes later. Do you really have people there at five o'clock in the morning reading the e-mail that comes in? I find that hard to  believe. Perhaps a more true final line on your computer generated  response would be:

"But fear not--an actual person may, just may, read your mail after spending an hour on the subway standing next to a foul smelling guy with food stuck in his beard, and only after drinking two cups of coffee,  scanning the POST for the latest Frank Gifford transcripts, while  ruminating on how the hell they can get out of this 'go nowhere' job of reading e-mail sent in by idiots who have nothing better to do  than cruise the Internet at five o'clock in the morning and send  in stupid comments."

If this e-mail is actually read by a real flesh-and-blood human being please send me a return e-mail with the code word "rosebud" so I know you are for real.

Steve Kremer

Of course two minutes after I sent this I received the same canned computer response. No code word "rosebud".  The day after I sent the message the link on the index page to the survey an offer for a free hat was gone.

I'm still waiting for my free hat

Click Here to recommend this letter to your friends

More Fun Letters....

A lost e-mail from the Big Apple

ABC: Does it stand for "Annoying Broadcast Cheapskates"?

"Pick-A-Dick", and we don't mean Richard

Re: I Believe You guys are garbage

I do love Spiders

Spams, correct spelling optional

Letter From A Netscape Lawyer 

Letter from a United Parcel Service Attorney

James Spader, Darth Vader, Ralph Nader. Which of these three doesn't own a computer?

I 'dis a Spammer

A Letter From Jim 

I get nasty with "Big Brother" 

E-Mail From "Muppets Treasure Island" 

Sleepy In Singapore 

MSNBC, does it stand for: MacintoSh & Netscape are Better for Cruising? 

"Dominant Keith" from J Crew doesn't like our humor

Which has four legs, a Table or a <Table></Table> ?

The Top Ten names for the new Fort Hays State University Web server

AOL Dating and Denmark


bottom include

Welcome to Who needs boring geometric patterns on their desktop.  Click here for funny wallpaper!
Change your computer's Start Up Screen
Funny Stories for you to read

What's New at JokeWallpaper.comUpdated Sun. March 10, 2002
"Osama bin Laden Urnial Mat"

Assorted Nuts - Humor That Defies CategorizationStrange and Funny Links We've FoundLetters - Fun e-mail from lawyers and other folks
Funny graphics to link to our site Articles about us Our Frequently Asked Questions

Feel free to download any graphic on this site to use on your personal computer.   But please do not copy on to disk, redistribute, attach e-mail, or post the graphics or text on any Web page, FTP site, news group, Intranet or mailing list.   We welcome links to this site but please link only to the home page and do not link to individual graphic files.
All of the text and graphics on this Web site are Copyright 1995-2005 Steven M. Kremer.   All Rights Reserved.

Bookmark this page. Hold down your "Control" and "D" keys and it's done.

Send us an e-mail to  Ideas, suggestions, flames...we read 'em all!  If you are writing with a question check our F.A.Q. page first, it may have your answer.

Home Page: